I’m not a religious person. What I mean to say is that I don’t go to church, don’t pray every evening and I don’t see the Bible as something holy to my heart. I do see myself as a spiritual person on the other hand. I’m moved by kindness I see in others, I say thanks for my blessings and I strive to see the Good. I used to be so confused and unhappy, but then something clicked (I’ve yet to pinpoint the exact moment) and I started looking at things from a different perspective. As my body and mind started to heal, so did my mental state. I started seeking wisdom from the most random places and I saw that I always have a choice. Sure, I get crippled with hurt or fear and there are certain things and situations I still can’t get a grasp on (I’m not sure I ever will). But I guess I’m not talking so much about the specifics of one’s life right now, but more about a person’s general mind-set: Are our glasses half-empty or half-full?
I don’t really have a wide social network, but I do have a few people in my life that I care for dearly and see that they’re amazing people, but I feel like they’re struggling (I’m sure they think it’s really the other way around) and I’ll be damned if I won’t try to help fix that ;). Some of them seem to think that I’m the crazy one with my way of seeing the world and that, sooner than later, I’ll give up my crazy ideas and start being a damn realist!
In truth, I don’t think that my ideology is that crazy and I know for a fact that it’s not some New Age mumbo-jumbo and I’m not this amazing person who thought of it all. No. Not at all. I also haven’t bought any self-help books and have chosen to “live by the words”- not that there’s anything wrong with that. All I know is that for a time that seemed like forever, I was like a prisoner in my own body: I wanted to be calmer and more positive, but nothing good ever seemed to happen. Happiness was a drug other people with better lives were riding on. Not me. Everyday I felt uncomfortable and uneasy and wanted to get out, but didn’t know how. It was like my mind was in the gutter, but my soul wanted to fly.
After my little brain-click happened and I still was who I was before, just a little more optimistic, I continued to have those wonderful people around me rolling their eyes at my new-found “ideas”. I would partake in quite a few debates where I’d try to persuade them to look at things from a different perspective and they’d try and help me come off of whatever I was so obviously on :D. It makes me sad because my heart wants to find words to help everyone see that things like hate, impatience and self-loathing aren’t the means to a happy life (and it honestly pisses me off when I hear that life obviously hasn’t taught me, because if it did and I’d suffer enough, I’d share their opinion- it also makes me afraid of them actually being right).
I’m not this holy person who never sees a fault in anything, I’m far away from being perfect and I don’t think of myself as better than everyone else. I’m very much trying to get out of my comfort zone and smile more, live my truths and let others see them. It’s not easy to show kindness when you’re hard wired to keep your cool at all times. I am trying, though. I know I want to be kinder, I want to help people and I want to understand. I know a few people who make it seem so easy: they’re attentive, always have the right words to say and a hug on offer. I’m sometimes shy and at other times totally outspoken, I form opinions too quickly and I don’t think before I speak. Those things and so many more frustrate the living daylights out of me and I sometimes see how far away I am from letting myself shine my own Light, let alone help others shine theirs.
I truly believe that every life matters. We may be just one little entity on a big planet in a immeasurable Universe. And we’re really tiny when it comes to changing things that really matter and come down to saving the Earth. I get that. The only “problem” is that there are so many of us and if you combine all of us in one big organism, we create a majestic creature of awesomeness or a dark gargoyle of destruction. All out seemingly meaningless actions matter! And it all starts with the state of our minds. That’s the message I’d like everyone to receive.
I don’t know where the future will take me. I know for now, I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I guess I’ll always want to change people’s minds: YOU CAN BE HAPPY: RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. It will change your life and the lives of people around you. And I’ll keep on repeating that to myself as well …