Collecting Angels

Words of goodbye wet my eyes.
Your eyes, I miss. I always will.
Now not just one pair. 
There now are two:
Dark brown has joined light blue.

I’ll collect angels on your grave.
To keep you safe. To help you rest. 
I now have angels of my own. 
Where there was one:
There now are two.

One-On-Top-Of-the-Other Action to Get Things Going!

Get your mind out of the gutter, people! This ain’t THAT kind of blog post :P. You’ll see what I’m talking about, so just bear with me ;).

I believe that kindness can save what’s left of this world of beauty we seem to take for granted. I write a lot about being kind to each other, all things living and the planet … it’s old news by now. But something I did yesterday got me thinking: after I washed my face, I grabbed one of the two moisturizers I use. One is for daily use and one I put on in the evening (duh!). I keep them stacked one on top of the other. I closed the night cream and automatically put the daily cream on top, so that I’d have easier access to it in the morning. Silly, right? Well, not really. The reason for my little stacking-by-need action was done is because I was being kind to the sleepy-just-woke-up me. It’s a teeny-tiny thing I did, but I did it to save a second of my precious time in the morning. And you know what? It put a smile on my face this morning. One, because I thought of what a nincompoop I am most of the time and because I cared enough to do such a seemingly silly thing.  And then I stacked my moisturizers so that the night cream is now stacked on top.

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Photo by chezbeate at source.

How many times a day do you put a smile on your face because of something you did yourself and for yourself?

We seem to think that our happiness will suddenly occur after other people send a smile our way, after they give us their time, after they acknowledge how special we are, after we receive whatever it is we deem worthy of our greatness to receive. Our happiness is always a slave to other people’s graciousness and decisions: Happily Ever After after we get what we want from others and not a moment sooner! We base how fully we live our lives on things we cannot control and we can’t control how people treat us. We can’t control their level of kindness towards us. We can only control ourselves.

What if we stared being randomly kind to ourselves first? 

My little moisturizer-on-moisturizer action isn’t really anything life-shattering, I know. Who cares, though? It’s my little bubble of self-love and it made my morning a nuance brighter. To one-up that, I’ll do other things to make sure my life is full of love: eat healthy, work out, meditate, work hard, play harder and LIVE.

Loving myself means loving others and with full-force. Accepting myself fully means accepting others in equal measure. I cannot close myself away from myself and invite others in at the same time.

Self-love and kindness aren’t selfish. They’re necessary. They make our world of beauty …well … beautiful.

 

 

 

I Love My Country!

Whenever I think about my homeland, my first thoughts aren’t about how crappy the socio-political situation is, I don’t think how I should move out, because there’s no real future here and how my fellow Slovenians are severely introverted drunkards with no future (these are the things I hear people complain about most often). And I do agree for the most part- I don’t judge people as general drunkards though.

BUT!

My country is my home. I live in a small place, sure, but it’s lovely. With only a few hour’s drive I am able to visit the plains of Prekmurje, then just a few hours later I can go swimming in the sea. I can go hiking in the Alps and visit the caves of Postojna. It’s all compactly packed in one chicken-shaped little package.

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Photo of Bled lake by Mirci at source.

I love my little microcosms, too. I live surrounded by forests and get to breathe fresh air. I get to see plants grow in our garden and hear birds chirping when I sit outside early in the morning. All of those things is what make my country great.

Sure, we have our problems. They’re not even little problems: huge political problems, corruption, crappy law and judicial system, high unemployment rates … don’t get me started. I sometimes see the injustices, sometimes feel them on my skin, but I’ll never say I’m not proud to call myself a Slovenian. I know, see and believe that we (can) surpass whatever our strugles are.

I love my language. I know I write my thoughts here in English, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about the land that raised me. I love the land; even if I disagree with some aspects of how things are done or ghow they currently stand. We’ve come so far and have lived under bigger countries for so long. Now that we’ve chosen to live independently and have done so for 20+ years, some of us fail to see how young we still are and how much we have to learn and how much garbage there still remains to be cleaned out.

We’re good people. We’re generous, we’re hard workers and we know how to pull together when we need to. We still have to learn how and when to raise our voices and not be afraid, but we’ll get there. I now we will.

I am lucky to live where I live. I feel safe in my country. I know there are many people that can’t say the same.

I somehow feel like a lot of us have forgotten what the word homeland means and globalisation has erased some of the love that was once deeply integrated into our lives. I like to read about our history and how we have had to fight for our country, for our language and our unity. We have managed to do so for many years and I hope our children will see our countries (no matter where we come from) as places worth fighting for.

When I’m Sad

I’m sad today. I feel alone, down and helpless. Tears won’t stop flowing today. I’m restless and insecure. I feel like I’m alone and my guard is still built way too high for anyone to see real weakness and see me less as a machine and more human. It’s all my fault. It’s Tuesday, eleven a.m. and I feel like I want the day to be over. Hit the refresh button tomorrow and let the woman waking up in my body deal with what’s left. Where’s my higher self-standard today? Where’s the “it’s-all-in-your-head” and “only-you-can-make yourself- happy” girl now? I’m a hypocrite.

I guess what I’m writing now is a transcript of my mental process. I hope it will make some of the anxiety go away and I also hope I can ease some other soul out there by reading about the way I choose to deal with days like these. There’s this part of me that just wants to go to bed and drown in my own sorrows. But there’s also this little voice inside me trying so very desperately to tell me to remember what I’ve learned and what I believe in. I believe in the power of my own brain and choosing what to make of my thoughts. I have to hold on to it. I don’t want to regret not making the right choice for myself today.

So here I am. I acknowledge my sadness. I welcome it for just a little bit. It’s my best friend for just a few precious minutes. I recognize the procession of names for my sadness: Loneliness, Fear, Self-judgement, Failure. Over and over. Walking in, flashing over my eyes, going away and coming back. Coming back too fast for my liking. I’m going to let them linger and not let them go away just yet: I’m alone because I fail to open up and am not interesting or fun.  I’m ugly and stupid, nothing good will ever come my way and I will never be who I want to become. I’ve failed myself, I should be someone by now. When will the people in my life realize I’m not worth loving and not worth their time? Will I live my life being afraid and will I spend my last breath on regret?

Welcome, dear thoughts of self-deprecation. Have your moments in the spotlight and bask in the glory of my tears. You’re all a part of me.

Today, more than ever, I have to choose: I love myself. I’m with me for better or worse. I love those ugly-named friends because they’re all a part of me. I love them like I love winter: sure has it’s charms, but I wish it would last for no more than a week. I love them like I love olives: an acquired taste. I love them like I love laying tiles in my house: the end result is great, but every bone in my body hurts from the effort. I have to love the pearl that comes out of the suffering without ever really knowing what the pearl will look like. What’s the point otherwise?

I’ve acknowledged your existence, I’ve given you fuel and opportunity to state your peace, dear Negativity. And now I have to say goodbye. I need to make a little room for Partnership, Happiness, Self-love and Accomplishment too. I love them just as much as I love the smell of freshly cut grass, the chirping of birds very early in the morning and as much as I love freshly-baked bread and how the smell of it turns our house into a home. It’s all a part of me and demands to be loved.

So, I’ll let myself be sad today. I’ll tread lightly over my existence and be patient with my moods. But I won’t wallow. I’ll be kind to my heart and love it unconditionally and let it be broken and healed all at once. I’ll choose to wait in inner silence and make sure the woman that wakes up in my body tomorrow feels a sense of accomplishment, pride and anticipation. I’ll then let those bad boys reeking havoc in my brain right now rest for as long as I can allow.

 

Date Ideas Galore!

I was recently talking to a friend that hasn’t left the dating scene yet and we started talking about where to take a potential sweetheart and:

  1. make it memorable
  2. not choose some cliché option
  3. not break the bank

I found I had a really hard time coming up with something original and sweet. So, I did a little brainstorm, a little research and came up with a few dates that should work for both long-time married couples (darling husband, I do hope you’re reading this) and new love birds.

Now, let me start by saying that though I do think every woman should be treated like a lady, I also think that every man should be treated like a gentleman. What do I mean by that? Not every date-night needs to come from just one person. We should all work towards the end goal: finding happiness in love and make a little effort along the way.

O.K., here’s what I came up with in no special order:

Visit the flee/food market

Take your special someone for a stroll through your local flea market. There’s plenty of stuff to see, have a laugh at and enjoy. You also get to discover the likes and dislikes of the person you’re with. You can then go the the food market (or the part of your flea market where they sell produce), buy some fresh fruit and have a picnic at your local park (seeing you have somewhere to wash your fruit- sorry, has to be said). If the weather doesn’t really allow a picnic, go home and cook together or just go for a steaming hot cup of coffee or cocoa.

See a stand-up show

Laughter is really important for me, as I’m sure it’s for most of us. If a person makes me laugh, they’re on my “I’ll-like-you-forever” list. When you can laugh together, even better. It’s also not as cliché as going to the movies and not as uniform as going to the theatre.

Cook together

Food provides endless topics for conversation, it’s fun and gives you something to do with your hands (thus making you feel less self-conscious). Cook at home or if that’s not possible, take a cooking class.

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By: BMiz at source.

Play card games or board games

Eat some pizza, have a bottle of red wine and a play a few of your favourite board or card games. Need I say more?

Go on a hike (especially if you have a dog!)

If you’re both the outdoorsy type, grab a couple bottles of water, maybe some sandwiches and take a nature hike with your special someone. I, myself am a sucker for animal lovers and if you have a dog you love as much as I love my little munchkin, it’s done! Animals bring people together. No joke. Try it :).

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By. Benson Kua at source.

Go to the supermarket and …

I know it sounds weird. Bare with me. So, you go to the supermarket and you split up. You each find two things you can eat and one thing you can drink. The drinking item has to be your favourite and one of the eating items also has to be one of your faves. Your last item, on the other hand, has to be the craziest thing you can find. Have a meal together and have a laugh. You can even blindfold each other and try to guess what the other one bought.

Go indoor rock climbing

It builds trust, you have something to do and it’s different.

Draw a portrait of each other

Remember when Leonardo DiCaprio painted Kate Winslet in Titanic? If you haven’t seen THAT, make it one of your date nights (that’s an order!). Well, what I’m talking about here really has nothing to do with that :D. Sit down with something to drink, use pencils (it could also be fun to play around with water colors) and do your best to catch the essence of the other person … or if you’re like me and can’t draw for sh**, make sure they get a good laugh out of the whole thing.

Visit a psychic

I know this may be a little out there. But it could also be a lot of fun. Just make sure you get individual readings (both being in the same room, of course), because you REALLY don’t want to ask them where they see this relationship going and then have some voice in your head telling you it’s not going to work :).

 

Go geocaching

This idea comes from the same friend I talked about in the beginning. It’s all explained here: https://www.geocaching.com/play. I think it could be a lot of fun and most probably very different from your standard date.

Visit the playground.

Connect with your inner child and visit the playground with your special someone. Make a sand castle, swing on the swing sets and have a little fun. Just make sure you fit the weight limitations …

Try 36 questions

There was a study conducted to see if falling in love is something that can be quickened by asking a series of questions- just to give you a simple explanation. Here’s the original article I read: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0. It’s a series of questions we don’t usually think to ask, but are, even if you don’t plan on falling in love just yet, interesting to ask and find out the answers to.

I hope you can find some ideas and inspiration for your upcoming dates. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s safe and most of all have fun.